The Community Times Dispatch

Hello Readers!

Several weeks ago, I gave you tips on “How to Raise a Lazy Child.” Of course, you all knew it was a humorous take on what you should really do. So now, I would like to give you tips on “How to Raise a Selfish Child”. As every parent knows, infants and toddlers are self-centered, that is, they view the world as revolving around them. This is the natural way that a child develops; I cry: you feed, dry, hold me; I demand: you give me, feed me. This is how it should be. Infants and toddlers have few communication methods and need to be cared for. But as toddlers approach two years old, if the parent does not alter this approach, you have begun to raise a selfish child.

Bill Cosby does a comedy bit where he is describing his two year old daughter: Mine! Mine! Mine!, she yells constantly. If you have the opportunity to observe toddlers you know that MINE! is their mantra. The first step in Raising a Selfish Child is to immediately respond to that mantra by giving the toddler anything they want. If they want it, give it to them. My grandson loves music, television, books, games and toys. He demands that we listen, watch, read, or play whenever he wants. (I told my son and daughter-in-law that I could give them tips on how to raise him to be selfish, but they declined.) Begin early to give in to their demands. Let them continue to think that the world revolves around them and their whims. That is the first step.

The next step is to shower them with things. Let them get used to the very best that your money can buy. Do not spare any expense. At first, your child may appreciate these showers of gifts. Then they will come to expect them and finally, to demand them. The cost, the inconvenience, the toll it takes on the family will be of little concern to your little darling.

In addition to material things, let your child have very few responsibilities. They must go and come as they want. Household chores are not apart of their repertoire, someone else must be responsible for making their environment neat, clean and orderly. Someone else must be responsible for making sure that their clothes are laundered and ready to wear. Someone else must be responsible for making sure that the house is stocked with exactly what they want to eat. That someone will be you.

Once you have followed all of my tips, your child will be a walking advertisement for the opposite of the love chapter in I Corinthians. Selfishness is the opposite of love. Selfish people can be impatient, unkind, rude arrogant, envious, irritable and resentful. All of the things that love is not.